Talk Shows & Stories : Featured Stories : Yu Fong

Recorded January 31, 2002

Yu Fong: Ovarian Cancer

Listen With 16 minutes, 35 seconds. (Audio is Mandarin language)

Yu Fong's Journey with Cancer

In the second half of 1998, I did not feel well, but could not find anything wrong after all kinds of examinations. Two weeks before I found out that I had end stage ovarian cancer, I was in Malaysia giving a lecture. I wasn't even aware that I had such a serious disease.

After I returned to Taipei, for the second time, I went through the colonoscopy and found out the ovarian lump was large. The tumor grew on the wall of the intestine--outside of the intestine--pressing the intestine, so the bowel could not get through. It was detected by ultrasound, and I decided to have surgery immediately. My surgery was done on December 31, 1998. It last for nine hours.

I think there are many different kinds of cancer; each individual has his or her own physical makeup. The reaction to treatments will not be the same with everybody, and there are many different kinds of drugs. So basically, I feel that my chemotherapy treatment was not too bad. To go through my chemo treatment safely, I tried hard to eat food with better nutrition and a more balance diet. Then to do your best to, for instance to take walks in the countryside; or to go to restaurants surrounded with friends and to have a meals at restaurants with a pleasant atmosphere, to ease the pain of my illness. So half a year went by very quickly. The closer to the end [of treatment], my reaction would become not too difficult.

I did a cat scan in Shanghai in April 9, 2001. After the scan we discovered a tumor the size of 2 to 3 cm in the back of my abdominal cavity. Later on I went through two exams and could not find anything. And then I went to the cancer specialty hospital in Taiwan--it was confirmed. So I did the second surgery in June 19. The second surgery took about six hours. This time my recovery has been easier than the first time, not as serious, and no Chemo.

Making Peace with the Path of Life

Although you know that birth, aging, illness and death are the unavoidable path of life, but until you get sick, you then realize that they are the rules of nature, no one can escape from them. So one should not consider being sick is such a misfortune, because if not for being sick, I would not have had time to organize the 24 volume special edition of my writing. And being sick made me realize that life is precious. I can appreciate the rest of my living days doing things according to my own priority. For instance, you'll understand that in your life, the material things are not that important. There are [more important] things like aspects of spirituality, the people who you are close to, your relationships with family and friends. You work harder on them, and will receive more love in return, and you will give out more love to the others. I feel that is a positive gain of being sick. I think birth, aging, illness and death are very natural. If you have had plenty, then you must appreciate for being so fortunate already. When death comes, no matter who you are, we will all come to that moment, so nothing is so exceptional. If you look at it as a whole, from the moment you were born; you begin to go toward death. If you can look at thing this way, you will not have any regrets.

And to gain more or less out of life, it is up to the individual. Some people have everything but they still try to count what they don't have. But some people have very little, but they appreciate what they have, and then they truly own those things. For instance, I don't have many relatives, but if we have good relationships, then it is more than some people who have a hundred relatives but do not care. Comparatively, I do not have less than them at all.

I can appreciate what I have. When the time comes, I hope that I will leave peacefully. It does not make any different if you own more or less.

A Calling to Survivorship Outreach and Advocacy

I have done some programs. In these programs, we discussed many important issues of cancer. For instance: How family members support the patients; or about Hospice; or questions regarding to chemotherapy, we discussed just about all the important related topics.

We had interviews, but not telephone call-ins. Because the programs were more in the serious sides, and our topics were pre-planned, what kind of topics, to invite what kind of professionals, they were all determined in advance.

I have joined a cancer foundation. I am their lifetime volunteer. I will advocate for their activities and help in any way I can. I help with fund raising. And I have my own public lectures. I would give an introduction about the aspects of "Life and Death".

Since I was very young, I have been very interested in the subject of "Life and Death". Because I am a writer; birth, aging, illness and death are very common, nothing special at all. And I think that most people would celebrate "Life" but curse "Death", and avoid talking about things relate to death. I feel those attitudes are very unhealthy; it makes dying become not peaceful and uneasy.

So the subject of "Life and Death" is something we all should learn, even little children should begin to learn. In one's life, to face the deaths of family members, the deaths of friends or families, the death of your pets; all of them are encounters in life. They are necessary to everyone. With that in mind, your attitude toward life and death you will not be fearful, and think it is the end of the world, or it is bad luck and misfortune. It is a very natural thing. And now with the cancer rate is so high, if you consider it bad luck, I think your spirit will be traumatize by it and get sick. I think even though I am a patient, but my spirit has not been sick. So if you spirit is healthy, you can face the illness more at ease.

A Farewell Party

Based on my concern with the question of life and death since childhood, I planned for myself a farewell party before dying. First of all, I have a sense of humor and I feel that death is not so horrifying, so the title of my Farewell party was "The Happy Farewell Party While You're Still Alive". I think the usual farewell parties are all filled with crying, dark, gray mood, sadness, and negativity, etc. and those things will drag the living people into death, but do not benefit the dead people a bit.

Therefore I wanted to do a farewell party while I'm still alive. I wanted to decorate the place with beautiful fresh flowers, and gold and white balloons. I invited the Taiwan Pianist Guan-Yu Sheung to perform, and also invited Dan-Ru Wu and Hung Shang to host the event. I asked some of my good friends and family to say some things about me. People will say good things after some one has passed away, but the loved-one would not be able to hear it any more. So I rather have them speak while I am still alive and be able to hear if they made any mistakes. I can still correct them. [Laughs]

My father is already ninety-four years old. I really don't want to make him come to my funeral when I'm gone. And my son is already very "Americanized" (English); I don't think he can understand this stuff. [Laughs] I always like to "control" (English) all of my affairs, so I am not willing to let other people take care of my own things even after I die, noway!

And I feel that I have used too many paper products in my lifetime. So when I die, I do not want any coffin or those expensive things; I can save some money [laughs]. I do not want to be buried in a coffin, or put in to a columbarium or a grave yard. I don't like any of them; I feel that I need air. All my life I have been writing books, engaged in the publishing business and have used too much paper. You need to give back. So my ashes will be sprinkled in the forest, and to nourish the trees. That's the way I think.

Even though my way of thinking seems a bit playful, and I plan this with a playful mood, I feel it is quite meaningful. I want to tell the world, "There are many way to die, and you can use this one, too." I have already mentioned the some good things about this way. You can listen to the praises of others, and it will save you a lot of trouble. To save the living many troubles, you can giving back to nature, and protect the environment. [laughs]

I am not trying to be eccentric. I have had this concern about "Life and Death" since I was a child, therefore I arranged this function. Frankly, this function was not solely arranged for this purpose. After getting sick, I spent a year organizing my publications of more than fifty books to twenty-four volumes. To take advantage of the new books being released, I did the Farewell party at the same time. Because it is like "to cook a fish in two different ways." [To kill two birds with one stone], and I ended up saving money as well. [laughs] Otherwise you have to do everything twice, expending too much effort. I think for being a writer, I managed to finish my special edition, and go for the Farewell Party as well, it was a good thing. That's why I did it.

This is how I live my life. I live it playfully, very naughty, and having lots of fun. But I do not have any bad habits; I don't drink or smoke. I am one of those people who go to the gym at six o'clock in the morning. After getting sick, I discovered that what we had considered healthy is not necessarily correct. For instance, the ventilation inside the gym is pretty bad. For instance, I don't think there is any animal that would run on the treadmill for an hour. So that is not very natural.

The Spiritual World vs. the Material World

I think there are two sets of systems in people's lives, one is your spirit, your soul, and the other is your body, your form. In other words, the spiritual world vs. the material world. Therefore, the material world of a person cannot be poor, just as his or her spiritual world cannot be poor either. I had emphasized that even though your body is sick, but not your heart and soul. These ideas mentioned are to support our body and soul, to help us become healthier, that's all.

You can think about art, you can be impressed by art. It is the source of strength in life. Yesterday my friend and I drove to the Golden Gate Park, and we parked near where you can see the seals. I can fall into sleep under the warm sunlight and feel that I am closer to nature; it is like getting a life force. When I went to the Golden Gate Park, I saw the Magnolia, plum and cherry trees all in bloom. Oh, you feel that spring has arrived. Through that I feel connected with nature. I think they all are very natural things. As I have emphasized, even though the bodies are sick, but our spirits are still beautiful, and then you won't feel life is gray. All I had mentioned or not mentioned yet, these are things that can improve our spirit. When the sprit is good, you'll understand life has two sets of systems, they will assist each others.

When you are at peace, and feel surrounded by love, you don't have deep down fears about death and then your dreams will be more beautiful. Because even though I got sick, I didn't have nightmares. No nightmares, all I dreamt about were better things, beautiful sceneries, etc. In my dreams I would give thanks about how fortunate that I am able to see this beautiful scenery. For instance, I saw a tree that was entirely purple, a very big and beautiful tree. In my dream I thought that I have never seen such a beautiful tree in my entire life. As I had mentioned before, it has something to do with your mental state, it relates to your thinking activities during daytime. Of course, it is not entirely related, but somewhat alike. So in my dreams, I always dreamt about sweet things, sometimes I dreamt of strangers, but our meetings were always friendly.

I feel that as a patient, you must think about that "birth, aging, illness and death" are the natural cycles of life. It is something natural. It doesn't mean that you are especially misfortunate. But at least we can keep our spirits healthy, and our minds healthy. For the people who are still alive [without terminal diagnosis] they don't know how much longer of lives that they will have, same as we won't know how little time that we have left. They have it no different. For those people with some type of long-term illness, are they more fortunate than those people who were on the flights on September 11th? They did not have time to prepare. So I feel that as the Buddha said, "Take hold of the present", it is far more than real. You get up today, enjoying the sunlight, especially here in San Francisco, the sky is so blue and beautiful, the sun is so bright, and then you feel: "Oh, what a beautiful day."

I had written a book entitled: "Lives have to be splendorous". There is a sentence in the book which is a Jewish saying: "Live each day as if it is first day of your life". What it means to me is that you will not have any preconceived notion and live your day happily and creatively. And then "Live each day as it is the last day of your life", you must do what you have to do, it can't wait until tomorrow. If you love somebody, you need to tell them. If you had conflict with somebody, you need to resolve the difference. Live each day as the first day of your life, and live each day as the last day of your life. If you can live with such conviction, I believe after a while, your life will become more satisfying, and that's it. I wish to offer these two sentences to whoever can hear this message.

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