Roberta Altman: A persistent woman My name is Roberta. I live in Manhattan with my two cats, Alison and Abby, and I used to be a broadcast journalist. I am now a writer. Let's see. In 1976, quite a few years ago, at the age of 34, I was showering and I found a lump in one breast. And I went crazy. I was scared to death. I didn't know much about breast cancer, but I knew you weren't supposed to have a lump in your breast. At the time I was working in Washington, DC, but my home was really still New York. So I called my gynecologist and she arranged to see me on Saturday when I could get off because I didn't work on the weekend. And I saw her and she examined me and acknowledged that yes, it was a lump. But she said there's nothing to be concerned with, come back in six months. I said, well I want it taken out. And she said, No, that's silly, because this is not cancerous, and you know, just come back in six months and I said, I really want it taken out. Now a man whom I was going out with at the time and later lived with said, I think you should get another opinion. I said, What do I want another opinion for, I want it out. But I did go for another opinion, and this doctor said the same thing my doctor had said, and I called my doctor and said, When can you get me in the hospital? She said, Roberta, you're just being so foolish. I said, I WANT IT OUT. And I wasn't being courageous or anything like that, it was too upsetting for me, because I kept feeling it all the time to see if it was still there and hoping it had gone away on its own. Tough choices So I went into the hospital to have a biopsy and I wanted to have it under a local, but they didn't do that at that time, so I would have to be put out, and I got up the next morning and my brother was there along with this boyfriend, and they didn't say anything to me when I came out of the anesthesia because they wanted to tell me in the morning. And my gynecologist came into the room to visit me and she said, I'm so sorry. And I said, So sorry about what? And she said, Oh my God, you don't know. It was malignant. And I was off the wall. I was just so upset I just I didn't know what to do and I called my brother then I called my boyfriend, he wasn't there, he was off in the library getting articles from the New York Times on breast cancer, which I actually had no interest in reading. The doctor told me the surgeon, that I would have to have a mastectomy, my breast removed. And at that time there was no question of a lumpectomy. They simply weren't doing that. It was a very small lump. And I had no questions whatsoever about whether I would do that. My breast was a lot less important to me than my life. My life was what counted. And also, it never occurred to me that my boyfriend would care, would love me any less, and that anybody would love me any less because I had one breast. And he was fine about it. It didn't bother him at all. So it bothered me, it was very traumatic for me, naturally. And I was in the hospital for one week, can you believe it? But this was of course in 1976. I got out and I went back to work at the radio station where I was working in Washington DC and I had discussed with the doctor before I went back to Washington, what I could do to prevent this cancer from coming back. Well, he said, I guess the only thing you could do is get radiation to the chest wall. And the mastectomy was on the left side, so I said, okay, I'll do that. I would have done anything to prevent the cancer from coming back. So when I went to Washington I was getting the radiation treatments and was working, and as soon as I could, I got a job back in New York and returned to New York, where I had friends and family and support and that kind of thing. And I was okay. And I got into, the doctor there referred me to another radiologist and I said, Well I think I should be seeing an oncologist and by that time I had learned something about breast cancer, not all that much. So I was referred to an oncologist, whom I started seeing, and I went every 3 months or so and he would do a little examination, and how are you feeling? I'm feeling fine. And it went on that way for close to five years. Never say never Then I was diagnosed with a recurrence, a metastatic recurrence. It had returned. The breast cancer had popped up in my lungs, and on the optic nerve in the brain, and in the lymph nodes. And at that point I was terrified. I was absolutely terrified. And I remember riding on the bus to a hospital to get the lymph node biopsy and looking, it was in May and the trees had just blossomed and they were beautiful and all I could think of was, This is the last time I will see these trees like this, the last time. I was sure that I was going to die. And when I called my oncologist, I said, Am I, I couldn't get the word out, - am I termin, termin, termin... He said, you're not terminal. And I said, okay. And he said, We're gonna treat this with chemotherapy. And I said, How long will I be on chemotherapy? And he said to me, "Well, probably the rest of your life." Now it did not occur to me at this time if this was in 1981, if I was in chemotherapy for the rest of my life, my life wasn't gonna be that long. Unbeknownst to me, he told my brother that I probably had 18 months to live, but he did not tell me that. And in the interim, at that point, I just looked up, and I was actually furious. And I said, If you're gonna take me, you're gonna have to really fight for me. You're gonna have to fight for me. I'm not going easily. So I started the chemotherapy and a friend of mine said, Why don't you go on disability? You know you could get it. And I said, No, I'm not doing that. And I was working at the time as a reporter, a radio reporter, and I continued to do that. And when I went for chemotherapy, I scheduled it as the last appointment the doctor had, and I would go in and I would file reports from his office. And the rest of the time I was on every other week. So the rest of the time I just did my job. It was very important for me to do that, because it gave me some kind of a normal life, and I wanted to have that. And it was very important for me. Years went by and after the fourth year, my doctor said, I don't know what to do with you. I mean, after several months, I had radiation to my head for the cancer on the optic nerve and my vision returned, and that was the most important thing for me, that I could see okay. And then the spots disappeared in my lung, I seemed to be pretty much okay. But I stayed on the chemotherapy. And at some point he said to me, I don't know what to do. I've never had somebody who has survived this. And he promised he would write me up in the New England Journal of Medicine if I survived ten years, and he hasn't done it! Which I remind him of frequently. But anyway, he said, I don't even know who to send you to for a consultation. And finally he said, Look, Roberta, you can't stay on chemotherapy forever. Moving on And the day I went off chemotherapy, I was terrified. I was actually terrified. I was not happy. And I wanted to call my mother and tell her and I had to wait about a week before I could call her and be happy because I was so scared. Because while I was in the chemotherapy, I felt that I was fighting it. As a result of that, I wrote a book called "The Cancer Dictionary", which is a dictionary not just for breast cancer; it's a dictionary of cancer terms. And it's written for the layperson. It's written in lay person's language, it's user-friendly, it's not in any way threatening and it's written so that anybody can read it and understand it, and it's been a source of great satisfaction to me, because I've gotten feedback from people who've said, Oh, this has been so helpful. Because I knew that when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer and when I had the recurrence, there was so much I didn't know, and there were so many words I heard that I didn't understand. And I would look at a book, any books I had, and I had quite a few, and I'd look up the word and it would give like five references to it, and I'd find the word in a context and it never said what it meant. So this I found was very helpful to a lot of people. I also felt that my life was really changed, and that every day was an important day for me. Now, I have to say in all honesty that I forget it sometimes. I let little things annoy me, but the bottom line is I'm here and I'm alive. Now a lot of times, people say to me, Oh, you know why you made it? Because you were positive. Your mind was positive, you had a positive mind set, and that's why you survived. And that is not why I survived. It may be part of the picture, but it's not the entire picture. And the reason that I survived a recurrence of metastatic breast cancer was really three reasons: One I had state of the art treatment. I had the very latest treatment that was being given. The second thing was I had a very caring doctor and I also had a lot of support from friends and relatives. They were very very supportive and were there for me whenever I needed them, and I could call them whenever I wanted to. And the third factor, which I think is the most important factor, is that I was lucky. I was very very very lucky. And that I think is really the crucial item here, that I was lucky. And frankly, I don't think anyone should have to be lucky to survive breast cancer, or any kind of cancer. And that's why I think it's so important for everyone, whether you have cancer or not, to be active in some way and try and try to raise money for breast cancer for research and for helping women who can't afford to get treatment. Another thing that I would like to say, and I do this all the time and probably embarrassed a lot of people, but I'm always asking women if they've had a mammogram and if they examine their breasts. My nieces said to me, Aunt Bobby! You ask me that every time I see you. You ask me if I'm examining your breast, and my answer is, I will always ask you that and you will always hear that from me. And I ask a lot of women if they've had a mammogram, when was the last time they had it, are they having it every year. And I say to them, your job is to go out and ask other women this. Ask your daughter, ask your mother, ask your friends if they're having mammograms. And I think that's terribly, terribly important. Another blow Again, my life has changed. In 1996 I had a heart attack, and I was told by the doctors that it was caused by the radiation treatment I had to the left side of my chest over my heart, where the mastectomy had been. Now, I know that radiation is given after a lumpectomy and it's not the same thing. And radiation is far more sophisticated today than it was in 1976. But as a result of this, it didn't stop a recurrence, but the radiation did cause heart disease. And I honestly don't think at that time the doctors were aware of that, because radiation can have long-term side effects. And that was a big blow to me. But I've recovered from it, and am going along. I am a writer. I'm no longer a broadcast journalist and this is a lot more meaningful to me, because I write at home and I write things that I can, that are meaningful to me. And most of the books I've written have been on medical issues. I look at each day as a gift in a way. But I don't always do that, and I have to remind myself that I am indeed lucky to be here. And I wish all of you good luck and please, ask a friend, ask your daughter, tell other women how important it is to get mammograms. Making informed choices And one good idea is always to get a second opinion, and you can even ask your doctor to refer you to somebody or ask some friends about who to go to for a second opinion. It's uncomfortable a lot of times to ask your doctor, but many doctors are prepared for that. Another thing that I would suggest very highly is to bring a friend or family member in with you when you see the doctor, because it's great to have a second pair of ears. Write down any questions that you have so you can ask the doctor and you don't forget them, because at a time of a lot of anxiety and it's very easy to forget what you want to know. Also bring in a little tape recorder if you have one, and say to the doctor, You know, I forget so much when I leave, wonder if you'd have any problem with my taping this conversation so I can listen back to it and remember just exactly what you said. And most doctors do not have a problem with that. You're not doing it for a malpractice suit or anything like that, you're doing for your own education, and it's hard to remember everything. I know for myself, it was hard for me to remember everything. Or you can just take a pad and pencil and write down and say, I hope you don't mind my writing down what you say, because I just don't remember everything. And do that and I think you'll feel a lot better about it. |
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