Lucrecia's Story: breast cancer

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Lucrecia: breast cancer survivor

My name is Lucrecia. I am 53 years old, and I'm married. I have two children and three step-children. I am originally from the republic of Panama, but I have been living in Wisconsin for the last 16 years. My story begins just like any other ordinary woman's story. In my forties or even before that, I noticed the early signs of menopause. I began to watch my health more closely, including having mammograms when these were not recommended for women younger than fifty years old. Since then, I have had mammogram yearly. When I was round 46 years old because of the early signs of menopause the discomfort of it. In my case it was an arythmia My doctor recommended hormone replacement therapy. So I began. I was very reluctant to have it, but I did it anyway, in order to ease the symptoms. One year followed another, and my intention was only to take it for just enough to tide me over. But as things happened, it went one year after another and pretty soon it was five years since I had been taking this hormone replacement therapy. In the meantime, I began to feel uncomfortable about my health. I didn't feel healthy, I felt like there was something wrong with me. But every time I went to the doctor there was nothing found and I didn't have any grounds to expect anything. Then in 1997 I went to have a mammogram and for some reason the doctors kept me waiting in the waiting room for some time when I requested when I asked if there was anything wrong, they couldn't reply to me.

Back in 1988, I have to turn back, I had a little scare. It was very unsettling. I went for a regular mammogram and they found some calcifications on the x-ray. But six months later the x-ray came out negative. So since then I even had even more interest in being there every year for that mammogram. And like I said in 97 that happened but it was ruled that it was okay so I went home. The time passed. When I had to go back in November, day before thanksgiving in 98 I went to get my mammogram and technician looked at me and said 'Are your breasts always that way? I said What way. And she said, let me take a look again at the x-rays. And she did about seven or eight compressions of my breast and she was not very satisfied. She was not satisfied and she was asking me to disrobe in order for her to see both my breasts and then that's when she asked me if they were always that way and I said, what way, and she said, one breast is bigger than the other one. No I have never noticed it that way except now with the compression I feel I was hurting, I was really, really, really hurting, and so she went on looking for a doctor an x-ray radiologist or my gynecologist and she couldn't find anybody and she asked me to be sure and call on Friday. This was Wednesday, on Friday to make sure I get in for an ultrasound and then nothing further, --- she didn't say anything else. At this time my breast was hurting me very much, so I came home and -I proceeded-- to have Thanksgiving so called normal, but I was very distraught. What I was feeling and also for the possibility of having something more serious than just a sore breast. And then on Friday when I called I went in I insisted wouldn't take no for an answer, and went for an ultrasound, and they were very flabbergasted because of what they saw. I still didn't know what was going on.

I was sent to a surgeon, went to see the surgeon and it was a few days before I went to see him. And they decided to wait a little bit. It was not until about the 15th of December when I finally got a biopsy. One was a needle biopsy and the other was a core biopsy. I called the next day to see if there were any results. They didn't have the results until the 17th and I have never felt so cold in my life as to when I asked the doctor for the results of the biopsy and he stated that the first biopsy came out negative but the core biopsy came out positive and you have a lobular carcinoma. To me lobular meant nothing. Carcinoma, a lot more. And the cold is going through my whole body. And I needed to get hold of myself and just continue talking as if it were a normal conversation..I asked the doctor if I needed someone else to go with me. And we'll be right back and he saw us ----- that afternoon and he explained and explained but For me it was there were too many words, there was too much material, too much information to absorb, and I'm so glad my husband was with me. Coming back home, oh, before that I decided I wanted to have the operation the next day and we made arrangements for it. I wanted that mass out of me.

Dealing with the diagnosis

The next day I cancelled, because in the meantime, reason came back to me and I was a little more calm. and I kept thinking: What are my alternatives? How long has this been--- with me? Waiting two three days or maybe a week won't make a difference, so I can get a second opinion, so on and so forth. And I did. unfortunately it was --- just before Christmas and there were many doctors and hospitals that---- could not see me until after New Year's. So by chance I called Mayo Clinic and went to them because they gave me an appointment the following Monday. So my first few months of therapy were done in Mayo Clinic. When I went there I was met by a team of doctors. The doctor who saw me first was very surprised at the size of the tumor. It was 10centimeters big. Took my whole breast. Later on I found out there were also some lymph, but at the time it was thought it was only the mass, there were no lymph nodes involved. What they decided was to have what they called a new adjuvan therapy. That means in order for me to be spared of-an unsightly operation because of the size of the tumor, they wanted, they gave me four chemo sessions in the hope that the tumor would be reduced in order for the operation to take place. That was done. I went to four sessions. I am not a person that gets depressed often, hardly ever, but chemotherapy did something to me. I was, for the first time I was all right, most people do for the first session. I continued working, I'm a teacher, so I continued going to work as normal. My hair began to fall, and I began to wear hats and students were kind of surprised to see me wearing hats because I've never done that before. But I was very forthcoming and I told them exactly what was happening to me to clear the air. I am so grateful because I have a lot of co-workers that are completely outstanding in this world and to me they became my family away from home. They ARE my family today. Their support was unbelievable.

I got my second treatment and I still didn't feel that bad. I continued working. I felt bad the first few days and then after that pretty much okay with it. By the third session, I began to feel a little bit more uncomfortable and there was a flu outbreak in early 99(february, march), and I couldn't go to work anymore. I just decided to stay home because I had my immune system very low and I had to make sure that I wouldn't get sick. I also used the time right after that to get onto the internet and research a lot about herbs. I have already bought some books and I have read about herbs and properties of different herbs. I read anything that I could find on it and. I began a regimen of multivitamins, supplements, and herbs. I was very fortunate, because I went through all those first chemo sessions without a slight cold or without a headache or anything other than the normal side effects of the chemotherapy. And as I said before, my hair fell out and my husband helped me shave my head. We did that together as a form of him supporting me and being with me.

It could only get better

Around the last chemo session in early March, I felt that I had touched the bottom. The bottom of a void. I was in very deep depression, and there was nothing I could do to help myself get out of it. And I knew I recognized the depression but I couldn't help it. I am very religious, but I have never been as religious as I was then, before or after. And I began to pray for signs that everything would be all right, and to help me, for God to help me get through this, fight it off and get out of the depression. My children were around me, they went away, came back, and I knew I had to live, not only for them but for me as well. Because there's so many things and I still to accomplish, things that I want to do. I want to be able to see grandchildren. It was very hard at times to think that my life has been shortened or maybe not only shortened but I wouldn't survive whatever this illness was taking. Then after that, that was worse. The depression was the worst thing that I ever had in my life. And I could hold down pain. I can stand a lot of pain, I had blisters in my mouth, a blister in my throat, side effects of the chemo. I was very tired, very sleepy, I couldn't get up, there were times I didn't have strength but my faith, the faith that God was with me every single day to save my faith but Our Lady, Virgin Mary, was with me, kept me from going under. And for that I am very grateful. I did a lot of imagery, visualization, I spent hours upon hours reading, reading just for the sake of reading, just to pass the time, because I didn't want to think. Being, - a very busy person, always doing something --- being forced to sit down and do absolutely nothing, hours, biggest punishment of all.

But even though I was not able to do a lot of stuff, I managed to work through it and to make sure that I have a healthy outlook to take care of myself. And other times when I was feeling better, I would get up and do whatever I needed to do. I would just get busy - real quick. Then after surgery, which was in April 12, I found out there were out of 22 lymph nodes they took out, there were 5 that were affected, one more than the other ones. The other ones were just a little affected. Just to think that perhaps there were more scared me. But I tried not to think about it. Once I had surgery behind me, I felt healthy like I had not felt in years. But I knew I had to go back and get more chemotherapy, there were four more to do. And having gone through 4 sessions of chemotherapy, gone through successful surgery, actually means good. It doesn't help to think that I still have to go back to office again for chemotherapy. And my only way there at times was to think that there were other people in worse space than I and I should be thankful. And I am so lucky to have the technology and my friends that I have a family that care for me. I have friends that care for me, and it was up to me to get well, and if it meant for me to go through more chemotherapy, then I had to do it.

Overcoming the fear

I also was very blessed because I found doctors really care about what they do and care about their patients. My doctor is one of them, and there's the nurses and the whole team, the surgeons, the radiologists, they are all good people, they are not just doing a job. They are doing a job with compassion, with understanding. It is hard to think that I have gone through all that and I'm still here. I went through four more chemo sessions during the summer, and they were really bad. The first two were not too bad, but every time I had to even think that it was time for a new one, I would feel a panic. This is a feeling that I can't even describe. Knowing that if you had to go through this that the only way you think about what Jesus went through, knowing that he had to go through the crucifixion, because he knew it, and you can relate if you have to go through another chemo session, you're not gonna feel good, that there gonna be blisters there, gonna be pain, headache and vomiting and feeling ill for quite a few days before you start feeling better. That is terrible. So when you think about that, you sort of identify with that part of the bible that tells what he went through. And that's the only way I don't know how to put it, I don't know how to say it, I can only give an example. It is fear but it is a different type of fear.

I went through all those and the last two sessions I was pretty ill. I was very weak, I couldn't get up or down the steps. I tried to. That was the last treatment, was really, really rough. But I knew it was the last one and I was happy. Then I could stand anything, I knew I didn't have to go through any more. Thanks to the lord, today I feel much better. I went back to school, back to work, even before I had finished the radiation therapy. Because after the chemotherapy, about fifteen days after that I began radiation therapy. I felt that perhaps I would not be able to go back to school and teach and fulfill my responsibilities like I needed to, but I was able to do it. I was able to do it and I did and I had lots of energy .

How cancer changed me

What this experience has done for me is not take things for granted. I guess today I feel much better, but this ----- fearful voice that tells you, what if. What if this little thing is something else. What if the doctors tell you not be true. What if different tests you're going through are all wrong? So you constantly hear that little voice--- in the background, because you don't feel you trust your body. Don't trust that things are back to normal, or sort of normal. What you need to to stay sane, in my case, my way of maintaining my sanity is being busy, being involved in other things. So that I'm myself and how I feel or what I might be. My faith I have gone through something for a reason and it is nobody's fault. It meant if I've gone through a painful situation, I have to look at the bright side of it. There are always people who go through much worse pain than what I go through or maybe not have what I have, financial backing or the technology, family, to help them through their illness.

Giving back

I am involved today in breast cancer advocacy group, I tried to disseminate the word about how breast cancer can affect you, even though you think it won't hit you just because there is no one in your family that has had breast cancer. For example no one in my family has ever had any cancer. I am the first one. And then after when I tried to tell my friends, and students and coworkers and relatives, there's always a first for everything, and breast cancer is doesn't discriminate by age or background or ethnicity or how many people are affected in your family by cancer of any other kind. I feel much better today and I feel like I'm a better person because of it. At this moment, I feel pretty normal. and I a few months ago I heard about this study that was being done in the medical college of Madison Wisconsin and with a drug. What the drug does is or what they are doing with this drug is to try it on women who had had breast cancer and women who had fulfilled certain criteria, one of them is for their breast cancer to have been over 5cm in size, to be one year or more in remission, to be free of cancer, let's put it that way at the time they do the testing. To be one year or more in remission. I fit the description to a T and decided to go into the study and see if they will I could apply or- call them to find out if I could be in it and sure enough, I did.

Why I do it? Not only for myself, I do it for my girls and for every woman out there. I feel that it's my responsibility. Mainly because if there were not of other women that would have taken the step to go through the chemotherapy and all these other drugs tamoxifen for example , we women today who were just -in the dark as to how -to treat -it's as if--- as if there was you know a hundred years ago. But thanks to so many women who have gone before me who have had the courage to go through the testing, in order to help not only themselves, but those who come after them.

Just a few words of advice for women that are newly diagnosed with cancer. Don't you ever let anybody tell you you only have how many years to live. They are not God. Only God can tell you how long you're gonna live. You have to fight. And if you don't feel comfortable with one doctor, find somebody else. There's always another person who will listen to you and help you go through with this, that will be at your side, that will help you. Also just if you don't have any religion in you, find some type of powerful being that is up there that will listen to you, that will comfort you, that will rock you in your sleep, let you know when everything is grey and everything is black there will be somebody there for you. Any other advice? Just be positive. You need to be positive. You need to have goals, not long, long term goals but short term ones. And as soon as you attain the goals, cross them out and have another one. Short term goals. Alwasy remember, short term goals. When this happens, I will do this.

Perhaps another piece of advice that I will give to some newly diagnosed women is to have faith in themselves. To have gather a lot of support from other people surrounding you, don't be afraid of saying, I need help or I don't feel good. You need to know that there are other people that care about you. And that is a wonderful feeling when you know that somebody, like I have, I have many friends that will drop by a meal or some cinnamon buns or who'll give me a call. I have friends who've gone on vacation and that will call me and say, I've been thinking of you. And please, please, make sure you ask for people, when they ask you how are you doing. Is there anything I can do for you. The first thing out of your mouth should be , Yes please, pray for me. I need your prayers. Don't be shy about it. You need those prayers. By the same token, you pray for others. Join a support group. If you have a computer, get on the internet. If it's too negative what you're reading and it's bothering you, get up from it. But do something for yourself, constantly. You need to work on that. Oh, just listen to other people Don't listen to negative part of cancer. Listen to the positive side of it. Look for beacons-. Somebody has survived cancer for ten years. Somebody that has survived cancer for twenty years. Specifically breast cancer for thirty years. Those are your beacons. And you need to have those. Say I am gonna be just like them. Just like that person. I am going to survive this, I am going to get through. And good luck to you, whomever you may be. I am your sister. I am your mother. I am your daughter. I am yourself. Thank you.