Jennifer: a Lymphoma survivor
Hi. My name is Jennifer. I'm 31 years old. I'm about a month at this
point from being a four-year cancer survivor. Currently live in Columbia,
Missouri. 0n March 27 of 1996 I found a lump in my neck and basically for
all pragmatic purposes, that day I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's' lymphoma.
Reflecting back on it I think the two hardest periods for me were the
diagnosing stage and also the period after treatment. During the diagnosis
stage, backing up, when I first found the lump, noticed the lump, I knew
something was bad that something was very wrong. I was fortunate enough to
get in to my doctor the following day, and have such a great family
physician that he also knew something was very wrong. So it was a very
short period of time from when I noticed the lump in my neck until I was
basically diagnosed with Hodgkin's disease. During the diagnosis stage it
was very difficult for me to have to wait around to find out exactly what
was wrong with me, how bad was it, what was my prognosis. That time period
was extremely stressful. I was 27 at the time. I'd been told I probably
had cancer, and those types of things just don't happen to young people.
You expect them to happen to people later in their life but not when
you're still in your twenties.
A sense of mortality
During that time period I had to come to the reality that I was a
mortal human being. When you're that young you still have this sense of
immortality, that you'll live forever, that you have your whole life ahead
of you. I had to face my mortality. During the diagnosis stage, you really
don't know just how bad it is. I recall asking my doctors what does this
mean, what does this mean? Here's the "C" word, cancer, and a lot of
people think that it's a death sentence. So I was very fortunate to have
Hodgkin's Lymphoma, my fears during the diagnosis stage was that it was
non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. The prognosis for Hodgkin's is a lot better than
non-Hodgkin's, so by the time I was eventually diagnosed I was very
relieved. The diagnosis period there's a staging process. They perform
several tests to determine the extent of your cancer. During this time
period I was very nervous because I was anxious to get started with my
treatment. In addition, since my lumps were, you could actually feel them,
I could feel that they were growing, so there was the concern that while I
was going through the testing period, that actually my staging was getting
worse as the days went by. That in fact was not true, but there's an
emotional side to cancer that you have to overcome and that was part of
it. In addition, there was the emotional aspect of the whole staging
process, obviously. What happened with me is I was initially diagnosed at
Stage I, then there were more tests and that got bumped up to Stage II. At
this point they were only talking about radiation therapy, and the tests
continued and I was borderline Stage II or III, which moved me from
radiation therapy. Then I had two oncologists collaborate and they
determined that I was still borderline Stage II or III, but that what they
would do would be begin with the chemotherapy treatment, monitor me, if at
that point they determined I was Stage III, I would finish out six to
eight months of chemotherapy. If they determined I was Stage II, then I
would have my chemotherapy shortened to four months and then do radiation.
So luckily I ended up being in the category of Stage II, so I had a
limited therapy and radiation, which served two purposes.. to make sure
they had all the cancer, most importantly, but also the combination
reduced my long term risk of various side effects.
Thirst for knowledge
Another part of the diagnosis stage that was extremely difficult for me
was telling people. I felt like I was causing them pain. Obviously I knew
that it was nothing I did, it wasn't my fault, but at the same time, I had
to tell my loved ones. And that part was extremely emotionally upsetting,
because I knew it would upset them terribly. But I got through that and as
I told more and more people, it became a lot easier. Luckily I'm able to
talk about these things very factually. During this time period I was very
thirsty for knowledge and wanted to have as much information as I could
get so that I could make an informed decision, feel comfortable with what
was gonna happen and what the results would be. Thankfully I had doctors
who were more than happy to keep me informed and provide information to
me. I had gotten information from the American Cancer Society. I went to
the medical library at the medical school here in town and did research on
various treatments side effects, their effectiveness, etc. I really tried
to take responsibility for my disease and for obtaining all the knowledge
that I could about it so that I could make decisions, and I didn't just
put that decision-making process in the hands of the doctors.
During treatments I had instant results. After a few treatments, the
enlarged lymph nodes in my neck had decreased down to a normal size, so
during treatment I knew that the chemotherapy was working and it was
killing the cancer. The whole process of the chemotherapy wasn't as bad as
I expected. My grandmother passed away from fighting multiple myeloma for
seven years, and I saw her go through chemotherapy and the terrible side
effects of vomiting. Now they have fabulous drugs that prevented me from
ever vomiting. I had a sick feeling in my stomach, but never once felt
like I was going to vomit. My hair fell out very slowly, and surprisingly,
I never lost it all. And of course, I was very tired. I had great support
from friends, family, my co-workers. Actually, for each chemotherapy
treatment I had, they had a surprise waiting for me, which was very
uplifting, very kind of them. My doctors and nurses were absolutely
fabulous. Looking back at some pictures during the whole treatment
process, I actually looked a lot worse than I ever felt, which I guess is
a good thing. I looked very pale, very tired, but I really didn't feel too
terrible.
Looking for milestones
After the treatment was done was a very difficult period of transition
for me. I had Hodgkin's disease. They couldn't tell me why I had Hodgkin's
disease. I didn't know if it was genetics, if I wasn't eating enough
vegetables, if there were some environmental factors. Was it the fact that
I grew up around a farm, where they applied chemicals? I didn't really
know what caused the cancer. So, now, the treatment was done, and they
felt like I was in remission. It was up to my own body to keep the cancer
from returning. So again, during this stage I had to wait. I had to wait
and just hope that the cancer didn't return. I was afraid to touch the
area of my neck, for fear of finding another lump, and I knew that if it
did recur, that the treatments would be a lot harsher and obviously
potentially not as successful as if I were treated for the first time. But
I got through it. I continue to go through it. I look for milestones. I
look forward and look to being one month out of treatment, look for the
milestones a few months out of treatment, then three months, then six
months, then it's just a little bit of a wider gap look to a year, two
years, three years, and now I'm actually looking forward to my five-year
milestone. After that, it'll be my ten-year milestone.
Along the way I have had scares. I've had my blood work was off. My
doctors found some small lumps. At the time they really didn't think it
was cancer, but they were gonna watch it. That's just enough to scare you,
make you rethink your mortality, pretty scary process. These days I think
about it a lot less. I don't think about it as often. Going on with my
life. And frankly, now it seems like a really long time since I was
diagnosed. Which is a good thing. I no longer think every day of myself as
a cancer patient. I feel like I'm quote unquote, back to normal, and I
just try to live each day as if I'm going to live to be eighty. And
hopefully, I will be.
In terms of advice that I could give other cancer patients: I would
tell them to take their health into their own hands, do as much research
as you can, ask your doctors questions, don't be afraid to ask them
questions. Also, search for the emotional support. If you're unable to get
it from your family or your friends, look for support groups.
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